


The Dark Lord, the Light Lord and the Gay Lord

by hweianime



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 09:17:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13784442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hweianime/pseuds/hweianime
Summary: Short crack about how the last Lord got his name.





	The Dark Lord, the Light Lord and the Gay Lord

**Author's Note:**

> Look. Let's be honest here, I just wrote this in half an hour. It doesn’t fit anywhere and I don’t know why I wrote this. But hopefully, someone on this site will enjoy whatever the fuck this is. So. Cheers.

“Do I have a title?”

“Lord Potter you are a lord.”

“Yes, yes, but Voldemort-“ his followers’ shudders, which is rather rude. The only lord they should be shuddering is him and him only. Honestly, it’s like there’s no loyalty anymore, “is the Dark Lord, Dumbledore is the Light Lord, though admittedly less officially, but what am I?”

“You could be the Time Lord, Lord Potter.” One of his followers suggest. He shakes his head.

“No.. I traveled back in time once, it hardly earns me such a lofty title over time itself.”

“The Grey Lord?”

Harry scowls. “Well I just sound positively drab there don’t I then?”

“The Insane Lord?” Someone whispers, Harry points in the direction of the suggestion.

“Who dares say that, speak now!”

Wide eyed, a young woman raises her trembling hand, “I-I’m sorry milord, I uh-“

“Don’t be. Your suggestion is better than the previous two. It is definitely something I can stand out with between the other two.”

“Uh, no offense milord,” another one pipes up, “But everyone thinks the Dark Lord is a madman and people always say how Dumbledore has more than a few screws loose.”

“Bullocks, you’re right.” Green eyes look at his amassed following, he can’t help but feel vindicated at how many more there is compared to the number of Death Eaters and Order members. “Quick, someone give me a trait of mine that Voldemort- for Merlin’s sakes stop doing that!- and Dumbledore don’t have.”

“Um.. you’re Muggle Born?” One proposes.

“That seems pretty blood purist.” Another one argues in place of Harry. “Also it sounds like all of us are muggle born, which we are not.”

“The Green Eyed Lord sounds mysterious.” Some advocates. Harry makes a small grimace.

“I’d sound like I should belong in the front cover of one of those horrible romance drama novels than in the middle of a wizarding war. Denied.”

“What about the reason why we joined with our Lord in the first place?”

“…That’s, not a bad idea.” Harry says thoughtfully, “What’s your name?”

“Uh,” The one who suggested the idea stammered a little, “Nathan Greengrass, milord.”

“Greengrass huh, one of the few pureblood we have here. Well Nathan Greengrass, tell me why do you fight for me?”

He blushes but looks straight into his Lord’s eyes. It’s something Harry has allowed but few ever did, he likes this one. Greengrass will go far. “Happiness, milord. I fight for happiness.”

Harry raises an eyebrow before scrutinizing the crowd before him, “And who else fights for happiness here?”

Slowly but surely all the hands in the room raise up. Harry smiles, pleased. “I see, that’s.. marvelous.” He claps his hands. “Harry Potter the Happiness Lord it is.”

There’s silence. No one’s looking at him, nor looking very happy. Someone coughs awkwardly. Harry groans. “Okay, what is the problem _now?_ ”

“Well, uh, as much as the thought behind the title pleases all of us,” Nathan Greengrass starts, with everyone around him making suitably agreeable and supportive noises around him, “The Happiness Lord does sound a little…” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Unfortunately, someone finished it for him.

“Lame. It’s lame.” Someone, a middle aged female Harry thinks, it’s hard to tell with the ominous lighting in the hall. Damn his need for dramatics. The rest of his people all sighed in relief and then the floodgates opened.

“Merlin, I mean, couldn’t you have picked a more refined word other than happiness milord? It is rather juvenile.”

“Think about us please milord!”

“Yes, I cannot go home to my wife and children and tell them I’m serving the Happiness Lord. I would be shamed!”

“Me too!”

“My friends will never take me seriously!”

“Hear, hear!”

Wankers. Harry’s amassed a large following of wankers.

Harry massaged his forehead and sighed, “FINE. Well, then you idiots all go and choose an appropriate title for me.” He sits up on his throne and points at all of them,  “If you don’t figure out one in three days, I’ll be called the… the… Gay Lord! Yes, see if your wives like hearing that you’re servicing me _then_ hm?”

Everyone gaped in horror at him before they all bowed.

“Truly milord you are the cruelest of them all.” One of them simpered.

“We shall all strive our best to find a title most appropriate for you.” Another, the one who had protested with the wife and children excuse, promised vehemently.

Harry smiled, “Good.”

* * *

“God I didn’t think they actually _wouldn’t_ find a name for me.” Gay Lord Harry Potter bemoaned, his head slumping onto the armrest of his new, much larger throne. He’s conquered Magical Britain, gotten rid of Voldemort’s shitty violent regime and Dumbledore’s sly manipulations and peace has now settled in the land. He had sacrificed so much to get this, his first life, his previous friends, his own century. He should be happy. He should. It’s just…

“My liege.” One of his most faithful wizards, Nathan Greengrass kneels, Harry sighs and gestures for him to stand. “The children of the Lily Magical Orphanage you’ve established three years ago have provided another anniversary gift as thanks for your continued support.”

Harry grinned, the orphanage he had established is definitely one of his proudest moments since he had come out victorious after the war. “Please, show it to me, I could use a decent gift to lighten up my day.”

Greengrass nods and passes the small parcel to Harry who opens it eagerly. It’s a framed drawing, how cute. Each individual in the orphan had drawn themselves in, and the little scribbles and stick figure and half decent humanoid forms all moved a little with the help of some magicked colored pencils Harry had provided last Christmas. It makes Harry chuckle, something warm tingling in his chest. Though his smile quickly slips off and he has to keel over and groan in despair at the words etched roughly into the frame.

It’s even worse because clearly the children have all thought hard and long about what to write there and now he’s practically obligated to put this on his bedroom wall somewhere too.

“Milord?” Greengrass asks worriedly, but when Harry shows him the gift, the traitorous wizard just laughs. And laughs. And laughs.

_In the darkest of times, when the light is too bright, trust the Gay._


End file.
